Monday, 19 September 2016


When I was eight I created an imaginary world that I lived in. 
It made me happy. 
It protected me from the ghouls and vampires that sucked the happiness and life out of me,
the ones who would call us names and tell us we were nothing. 
Nothing. What is nothing? 
Nothing is a word with which we fill our own minds 
to tell ourselves that it will go away

Nothing is a disguise of what's really in front of us.
Nothing is the half empty bottle of excuses we open for ourselves when we ask ourselves what's really wrong.
How many times do we say that word per day?
When we are pushed around and let down
back down the same road of sorrow you travel day after day.
How can we cover the self-loathing any longer?

We are told to keep our mouths shut but told to speak up when silent 
We are told that sticks and stones may break our bones but words can never hurt us
but how on earth do we overcome the burning of the liquor down our throats at just 16?  

Our lives are masterpieces slowly designed
and sometimes the outlines aren't as good as the others 
but what we have is all we've got.

Escaping reality is just another past time of what we call nothing.

June 24, 2016

That day I realised that you are the one I love.
As I lay in my bed, I dreamed that you were there beside me.
I reached my hand out for yours and, in between us,
You intertwined them.
You pulled me closer,
And intertwined us.
I gazed into your eyes,
I laid my head against your chest,
And I heard your heart.
Its speed began to increase,
As did mine.
In this moment,
I knew.
Our love was intertwined.


Tuesday, 5 April 2016

It All Started With a Simple Sentence

It all started with a simple sentence.
"Was that an earthquake, or did you just rock my world?"
I guess you could say it was both because I fell hard. Really hard. Nothing meant as much to me as to wake up to a text from her saying that she wished me a good day and that she loved me. It wasn't anything overly romantic but it made me happy and loved and it made me feel warm. We used to talk to talk way into the night waiting for 11:11 so we could make a wish, but I didn't need to because I already had everything I could wish for and more. I caught myself thinking about her 24/7, about her smile, about her eyes, about her laugh, about all the time I wanted to spend with her. I still think about those things, but I stop myself because I know that the morning text that made me feel so special wasn't going to come, that staying up 'til 11:11 only made me wish for her back, that I'd never be able to see her smile, her eyes and her laugh again. Just as it started with one simple sentence, it ended with one too.
"so I guess goodbye..."


Tuesday, 15 December 2015

Untitled 2

Because one day the sun comes up and you realise you haven't slept for days 
And the pain you thought you hid so well was actually your heart breaking 
And every time you hear a door open you imagine her walking through it because she's all you've thought about, isn't she? 
Her eyes 
Her smile 
Her hair
Her laugh 
Her kiss 
Her hand inside of yours 
That's all you've thought about, isn't it? 
And it's not 3am when you're not sleeping 
It's 4 in the afternoon when you're working that you feel the need to break down 
Because she's no longer a message away 
Because she's no longer a call away 
Because you can't help but drag yourself down 
Because she always brought you up and you'd never want to think of a world without her so you live it as though she wasn't 
And it's not your mum you cry to; it's your pillow 
Because it smells like her 
And you dig your head deeper and deeper into it until the smell fades and all that's left are
your tears 
And you never thought for a second you wouldn't be able to roll over and wrap your arms around her 
But all you do is hug thin air 
And the spot right next to you on your bed is hers 
Whether she's with you or not
And you won't let anyone replace it 
Because she gave you things no other woman could 
She gave you life and meaning 
And she pushed you to succeed and she pushed you to test your limits and she pushed you to go that extra mile 
And today you can honestly say you wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her

Britt Wheildon

Monday, 14 December 2015


You always thought that the pain would go away didn't you?
You always thought that, if you didn't think of it, you wouldn't feel it
You were always told, "Don't worry, it will end soon"
It hasn't ended has it?

All you wanted was for someone to understand your pain and for someone to tell you that it will all be fine and that they won't tell anyone.....right? 
You thought that if someone knew, that you would be able to redeem yourself back to what everyone calls "normal", yeah? 
Well, you're wrong.
Telling someone gets you nowhere these days 
Helping someone gets you a little further than yesterday but you always fall back down Thinking the pain was going to go away was stupid because it never does; it just stays there until you feel like your life is nothing but a dying entity
Maybe it stops every now and then but that doesn't mean it's going to stay away
Listening to people might get you their respect but where is it going to get you?
You choose to listen to those who have no experience with what you're going through because those who are going through what you're going through have not quite figured out how to stop it yet. 
But even when they do, are you going to choose to listen to them; are you going to choose to get the medicine to your pain?
Because knowing you, you wouldn't know what to do.

I say all this because I'm going through what you're going through.
I hurt, I cry, I cut, I continuously think that one day maybe someone will cut me some slack and I won't have to worry about it anymore. 
But I know that that day is either really far away or it's never going to come.

I change  my emotions and bottle them up so no one knows what happened the day before 
I cry myself to sleep at night so I don't cry the next day
I hide the pain from everyone so no one comes up to me to ask me, "What's wrong?" 

I don't remember what it feels like to feel loved because the last couple of times I got heart broken
As much as I loved the feeling of knowing someone was there to hold me and to support me, I hated the feeling of them breaking my heart and then thinking we could stay friends because it's like I never meant anything to them
It's like the giant paragraphs and phone calls and the days spent together meant nothing
Like the deep and meaningful conversations never actually meant anything because it's like the feeling of being used 

I know you're hurting and I know you want to cry but you need to listen to me because I know what it feels like

Every day I am one step closer to finding the cure to being happy again

For M

I do not need to see your face – you are here
I glimpse you every day, my dear,
in the sun’s rays
I hear you sing to me in a bird’s song but not just one
Even the kookaburra,
just for fun when you laugh with me
a sound of glee
and even though I don’t know
what your face would be
like today
I still say that you are truly beautiful
Like a fool I miss you


New Norcia

Ghost gums reach towards the stars, allured by their mystical powers.
Their spider-like limbs twist and grab at the gleaming sparks, keeping
their feet planted firmly on the earth.

I wander cautiously between their bodies…

A single, golden light brings illumination to my path
where thick, black brush strokes
threaten to cover and deceive the road’s guiding stones.

But I keep my eyes above –
the glinting jewels lift my courage and brighten my thoughts.
They weave their own invisible paths through
the ominous cloak of the night sky.
So I follow their paths,
averting my gaze from the foreboding shadows
that want to grab at my arms and legs.
I can’t let their plans be fulfilled
for it would mean my doom.

As I near my destination,
my heart begins to lessen its pace,
bringing ease back to my mind.
I am within reach of comfort,